And who are you?

Allow me to introduce myself.

Wildflowers taken by JME Film Photography

And who are you?

What tone did you read that in?

One that leads you to look me up and down with a scoff and furrowed brow?

Or one that’s more sultry and inquisitive like we just took a glance at each other’s souls for the first time this lifetime?

Ah, I know, one that makes you recall that day in your college philosophy class when your professor posed the question after sipping on his emotional support Diet Coke.

No matter how you ask it, I answer all the same way.

After a gentle breath out my button nose. A flutter of my brown eyes lined with wispy false lashes. With a dimply smile and a soft Southern accent, I say “I’m Carrington, it’s a pleasure to be with you.”

~

Ever since I was young, how I identify and describe myself has always been on the forefront of my mind. Lucky I am to have a mother who intentionally raised a positive, confident Black girl in a small town, in this big world. Self-inquiry led me to pursue meditation starting in middle school. How one exists and how that existence shapes one’s ethics is why I studied Philosophy and African-American & African Studies at the University of Virginia for my undergraduate degrees. So how do I describe myself?

I’ll give you 3 ways actually.

1. Concentric Circles

Think of tree rings. Let’s say each ring represents a part of one’s identity. With each ring, plenty of people can fit into that category/description. As you get into the inner most circles, less and less people do. Eventually, only you can be in the center and thereby the only person who can hold all those identifiers. Here’s mine:

A far from comprehensive diagram of myself but you get the point.

2. Mycelial Network

Think of your favorite mushroom. Mine is the Black Trumpet Mushroom- Craterellus Cornuncopioides. What we see in the forest is just the fruiting body of the vast mycelial network below. That said, to describe me would mean to describe the vastness of my being. Of the environment I’m in. The conditions I need to thrive. The seasons I come most alive. Who I’m connected to. What I can compost. Where I hide. Who I want to find me. Why I’m a choice. That would be a lot to express in an intro, no?

A bundle of Black Trumpets I foraged fall 2022

3. Triple Consciousness

Sigh, I rarely get to use what I learned in school so let me get it out my system okay!!!

W.E.B. Du Bois in The Souls of Black Folk (1903) gave us the concept of double-consciousness:

“After the Egyptian and Indian, the Greek and Roman, the Teuton and Mongolian, the Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world, – a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness, – an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.”

My interpretation of this is that as Black Americans, we are aware of how we see ourselves and how others, specifically White people, see us at all times. Those views will always differ and we cannot simply say it doesn’t matter what others think of us. This is just the way our life experience is.

My senior thesis focused on this with the added layer of gender. As a Black woman, I feel as though I need to considered how men perceive me as well.

That said, if you ask me, a White person or a man who I am, we’d probably have different answers. Can confidently tell you that my White husband describes me in a sweet, unique way than how others would or how even I would.

Photo by JME Film Photography

~

I don’t have an easy way to introduce myself. Forgive me. I think it would be easier for us to just sit down and have a long breakfast together one Thursday morning. Sharing buttery syrup and life stories.

I affirm to myself daily “I am soft, harmonious, beautiful, playful & thoughtful” (can you tell I’m a Libra?)

You could look at my LinkedIn profile if you can to know me professionally. But how I work and where I’ve worked isn’t indicative of who I am.

Relationally, I’m a daughter, sister, wife, friend & mother. Each of those roles bring out different sides of me, but they do overlap like a kaleidoscope.

Taken by Eilish Bailey Photography

My name is Carrington, I’m a lover and an artist. Everything I say, do & think about is out of love for something. I love every form of art but can be captured dancing, using my voice & in the kitchen the most. I’m really just a small town vegan mama trying to take over the world one yeehaw at a time.

And who are you?