Happy New Year to Me!
And no its not my birthday yet
Most folks express having seasonal depression once winter comes. Shorter, colder days. Pressure to be around family when maybe you don’t want to. Heavy reflections of the year turning into big goal setting for the new year.
I’m simply the reverse of what the mainstream narratives depict when it comes to that. I feel heavy hearted and lower energy in the summer. Extremely long, hot days. Pressured to be around family when I don’t want to as much. Something big always happens that unearths me and forces me to sow new seeds elsewhere. I’m pretty much saying that I’m trying to grow through what I’m going through right now.
Given the pattern, I surrender to all that I cannot control and go inward to realign my mind, body and spirit. While I am counting down the days until autumn equinox & my birthday, I try to be in the present moment as much as possible to observe the messages being sent to me. Messages can come in dreams, in bodily changes, doors opening and closing, good and bad habits taking turns, in prayers, in nature, in eyes, in songs, and so much more. But if I’m not paying attention, so what?
Although I’m no longer a full time mindfulness and yoga teacher, I still embody the philosophies and lifestyle. I try to seamlessly weave mindful living into my everyday thoughts and actions. The most influential guide to living for me are the Yamas and Niyamas. I will not go into detail on each moral code itself. I encourage you to study them yourself. Nonetheless, I am open to sharing how I’m fulfilling each right now in this stage of my life.
Yamas:
Ahimsa: being vegan & choosing my words carefully
Satya: expressing vulnerably to my inner circle of loved ones how I’m truly feeling and not suppressing those feelings any longer out of fear of being judged, dismissed or burdensome
Asteya: staying away from social media because that steals attention and patience away from my family directly
Brahmacharya: pacing my energy use with my toddler, household chores, phone calls and things out of my control
Aparigraha: enjoying home decor but detaching myself from it so if I decide to move or travel it’ll be easier to part from
Niyamas:
Saucha: teaching my toddler how to do chores with me and how to nurture himself, he loves his vacuum cleaner and brushing my teeth
Santosha: dropping into the moment and asking myself what do I love about this moment?
Tapas: getting consistent in my daily rituals, not forcing myself, not meeting a strict schedule, just trying to be consistent
Svadhyaya: asking myself what I want most in life now given my new wisdom and new identity
Isvara Pranidhana: praying to God to let them take back the control I thought I had, asking to be provided for, protected and loved
In focusing on these aspects of my life, I’m able to keep myself from sinking into the depths of depression. These are just some of the resources and actions I’m leaning into again. But a new set has emerged for me. It came out of a meditation to simmered in a month ago. These two questions are guiding my way of being lately that I plan to bring forward indefinitely:
What would I love to do right now?
What can do I with love?
I tend to force myself to do the necessary things because it needs to be done. However, I’m pretty grumbly about it. I’m often doing things I don’t want to be doing. It’s nice to have it off my plate but I’m wasting energy being annoyed by the activity instead of finding a way to be at least neutral about it. Very big, Four of Cups energy if you’re into tarot.
Here’s an example:
I’ve got an antsy toddler, a messy house & instead I would like to take the Monday slow. What would I love to do right now? Relax, play and handle the mess later. What can I do with love? Spend one on one time with him in nature. So we throw some clothes to we go into the yard to toss bird seed, wave at every car that passes by and sit together in the rocking chair. Now our energy levels are balanced and after lunch we can do chores together.
Those two simple questions that are improving my mindset ten-fold. I’m able to more effectively correct and redirect myself with this. Choosing to see things through a lens of love and to do things with love is helping me embrace the beauty of this life I’ve been blessed with. My brain prefers to focus on the negative so I’m working hard to change those neural pathways from thorny trails to flowery meadows. I’m taking my time because it takes time for good things to grow. I’m just not in a blooming season yet. I’m composting the past year and using it to fertilize the new seeds I’m sowing. In a few months time, I’ll be living in so much abundance, I won’t be able to stop smiling. Forever welcoming all the challenges and blessings ahead. Happy New Year to Me!
Q&A:
When do you feel like your year starts over?
What are some of your guiding principles?
What’s your favorite and least favorite season?
Comment below or email me your answers :) withcarrington@gmail.com
Mmmm. This was gorgeous. I let out so many exhales reading your words. Those questions are divine ❤️❤️
I think I’m still on the school year and feel more a rebirth around August/September. My birthday is also mid August so that also may play a larger role than I realized. I also have a really hard time in the heat. I’m super limited in what I can do outside once we get past about 80/85 degrees here.
Enjoyed this piece, it has inspired so much with a subtle push. I especially love the example of how you sit with the question 'what would I love to be doing?' and 'what can I do with love?'. It's a blessing to be able to use our sensitivities to work through our humaning.
"I’m taking my time because it takes time for good things to grow." another line I deeply appreciate reading. Thanks so much for this offering.