What I love about our ability to deeply reflect on the past is seeing the through lines. That nothing is quite random. Our life experiences are rare in the sense that they’ll never reoccur in the history of the universe. And yet, I can still find continuity in my life that makes nothing seem random, it all seems aligned in some way. There appears to be a running theme occurring on Saturdays in September for me. Connect the dots with me…
2008
My mother went above and beyond to find a perfect childhood home for us. I valued it then but value it even more now as a mother & homeowner myself. My little brother and I could play peacefully & joyfully with our two dogs in a fenced in backyard. Crab apples would fall from our neighbors tree into our yard when the browning leaves did too. I loved playing pretend cafe with my agreeable brother. I’d smush together those cherry sized apples between big leaves to make an “apple turnover” and sell it to him. It was innocent fun inspired from watching hours of Food Network after school. I have very little memory of middle school me. I’m happy I have at least that one.
2015
I was a yes girl in college. Not to people please but always willing to do something new and amazing. I joined every club, intramural sport team and organization my interest and schedule could handle. Socializing in a variety of ways motivated me to stay at UVA and not drop out. I’m from a rural small town called Danville. Not much to do and you see the same people all the time. Charlottesville is just big enough to always have something to do and just small enough to run into somebody you know while doing it.
A common social outing is to go apple picking at Carter’s Mountain Apple Orchard. If you’re a good driver, the steep, snaking drive to it is worth while. The biggest draw to going there are the picture perfect views and their donuts. They have delicious apple cider donuts fried fresh daily. You can of course buy some that are packaged but fresh are best. Sharing a dozen with newly made friends while watching the sunset over y’all’s new hometown is especially heartwarming when you’re still trying to find a sense of belonging in the world.
2018
A new baker was hired to do the 2am shifts. We needed the help. I’d arrive at 5am to prepare the front of house with coffee and begin decorating donuts. The new baker was very cute to me so I’d make him a latte and dilly dally trying to get to know him. Making donuts from scratch and frying them takes patience and fearlessness of that hot oil. I had neither. He had it all. I simply found pride in making the donuts look beautiful. Our favorite ones to share were the cinnamon sugar donuts and apple fritters. After that job, we vowed to not eat donuts again because had enough for a lifetime. Or so we thought…
2024
I’m now married to that baker. He’s convinced me to live in a cottage in the countryside. I’ve convinced him to have a son who is now absolutely infatuated with the stand mixer. I spent the past year perfecting my baking skills because I want our son to never miss out on a celebration just because we’re vegan. Although moving into our house has been stressful for me, using it as a way to finally sell my baked goods has made me fall in love with it more.
On the first, I woke up inspired by the cold air to make some fall flavored desserts. The first one that came to mind were those apple cider donuts. After doing some PhD level research on how to make these at home, I bought some donut pans, apple cider and started creating my own recipe.
Donuts usually have dairy, egg and yeast in them but mine have none. I refuse to risk having a 3rd degree burn so I bake them which also has made them a touch healthier. Not that anyone eats a donut for health reasons but it makes me feel better about eating two at a time! Despite all of that, they come out perfectly fluffy, full of warm spices and sugary goodness that makes you do a little wiggle dance.
An opening to be at the IX Farmer’s Market came up last week for me so I hopped on the opportunity to do my first market. My first customer was a fellow market seller who offered kind advice on how things go and gave me some paper bags because we forgot them at home. He bought my first apple cider donuts and later returned to say they were so good. My heart swelled with validation and love for my community. Like wow I actually make tasty food that people enjoy and pay money for? Surreal. I actually sold out of those donuts too! I know my younger self would be so proud of me. My loved ones are so proud of me. I’m so proud of me.
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Thank you for line dancing along this through like with me. We’re always being guided to something greater. I hope that’s clear from my writings. That you have a beautiful life full of special details like this that make you you. That we’re so connected to another and all living things across time. Forgetting that allows for loneliness to fester. But you’re never really alone my dear. And you’re not forgettable either. Just take some time to notice what consistently keeps bringing you joy at different stages of life and you’ll see how loved you are by many.
Warmly,
Carrington
PS I’m actually allergic to apples but baked apple cider donuts don’t bother me which is sooo nice :)
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Q&A
What are your favorite fall desserts?
Have you ever had an apple cider donut?
What games in your childhood did you play that are similar to what you do now?
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I’ll be at the Cville Veg Fest on Sunday if you want to try some goodies!
Check out my latest letters here:
Here’s the jewelry from the fellow vendor that bought my first donut!
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Wow for something you’re allergic to, apples sure have been a constant thread through your life. Little Carrington must be so proud. Her smooshed apple turnovers were the prototype. I am so excited you get to enjoy yourself doing something you love while furthering the legacy of your love story 😍. Cheers to all the love, apple cider, cinnamon and connections the fall will bring.
Apple cider donuts are the be all end all for me. I can’t think of anything I love more. Again, so stoked for you that you sold out and people are getting to eat your beautiful food.