Comfort Zone

What about stepping inside your comfort zone?

Pretending I’m in a Lifetime movie, JME Film Photography

“Step outside your comfort zone!”

I understand that encouraging people to step outside their comfort zones is well-intentioned but how can you say that to people who never have the choice? Who have been out of their comfort zones all day and night?

It is a common experience for people in lower socioeconomic status to live with chronic stress and activated nervous systems. No where feels safe and comfortable. Some of us are never allowed to know peace for longer than a second. We can’t even be at peace in our sleep. Anxiety conjuring up our worst nightmares that have us waking up in a pool of sweat searching for that lukewarm glass of water by our bed. Hyper-vigilant about if we were friendly enough to a stranger to escape the daggers they could throw from their eyes. Trauma buried so deep in our fascia that we burst into tears during a yoga class. Those of us that are forced to live in a danger zone yearn for the sweet safety of a comfort zone. 

Speaking for myself, I’ve lived with anxiety and depression most of my life and craved a comfort zone. I’m forced to live in a danger zone because I’m a Black woman living in the South. Just my existence alone is threatening to others although I am not a threat. Living in the danger zone for me has looked like: always having my phone on me just in case someone needs to call me for an emergency, not wearing colorful clothes that draw attention to me and overstimulate me, playing music at all times to fill the silence or silence the chatter in my mind, making sure my son’s belly is rising and falling while he sleeps, choosing my words carefully when correcting my manager, the list can go on for novels. 

Letting stress build up in the body is heavy. Headaches overstay their welcome, breaths can only sink chest deep, and hips are tighter than those seals on almond milk quarts. This is due to our basic biology. When we are exposed to stressful stimuli, our brain reacts by telling the body to activate the sympathetic nervous system. This causes adrenaline to be release, increased heart rate, slower digestion, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. It’s simply our bodies way of trying to save us. To get us to run from danger and curl into fetal position to protect our vital organs. If you never get away from danger, your body remains on edge, always prepared for the worst & your overall well-being is disrupted. 

So how do you begin to unfurl?

The best solution for me is to create a comfort zone I can retreat to regularly. My comfort zone is where my whole self can rest & digest peacefully. My parasympathetic nervous system becomes the pilot and flies me up into the cotton candy sky to sleep amongst the glittering stars. There, I don’t have to be anyone else, be anywhere else, do anything else. I can just breathe and be myself fully in the present moment. Feeling lighter, brighter, more open to what life has to offer. Divine bliss.

There’s no one way to create comfort. Sometimes I take a long hot shower and have a beautiful, snot nosed cry. Can wash away the day, the pain. Can let go of the tears I held in too long. Then stare at myself through reddened eyes in the mirror and whisper affirmations. Massage the tension out of my fascia with lavender shea butter. Cloak myself with my fluffy, white robe. Savor a soup with crunchy sourdough while music spins on vinyl. Lay in ssupta baddha konasana with every pillow supporting me. Crawl into bed with my lover to be held and reminded that I’m not alone. 

I do not need to live in my comfort zone indefinitely, that’s unrealistic. Every day we are faced with challenges that gift us the opportunity to experience and learn something new. When we are in that challenge zone, we endure the healthy kind of stress that helps us evolve mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Challenges vary in strength, duration and frequency. It’s best to accept that they will occur and develop your arsenal of resources and wisdom in order to complete the challenge.

Some challenges that we welcome easily are things like lifting weights in the gym, taking math tests, cooking new recipes, giving a speech or thrifting for a cute sweater. Challenges that are hard to embrace are like driving in behind a school bus, creating a budget, grieving old versions of yourself, burning your finger or practicing patience with anything/everything and anyone/everyone. Again, all of these challenges are good for us! They shouldn’t push us into the danger zone and we should be able to easily return to our comfort zone after. Eventually, your capacity expands thereby making the comfort and challenge zones wider and the danger zone slimmer. It all depends on your mindset, capabilities and access to resources that determines the zones you flow in and out of.

Essentially, I just want us all to be more mindful about what zone we’re living in. And even more mindful that other people may be living in the danger zone more often than not. I am just a person who wants to live a good life in harmony with everyone else, with everything else. I love creating spaces of comfort for people to have a soothing place to just breathe and be themselves. That can be cultivated in my own body through a hug, in a meditation room, in the kitchen, in nature or even in this newsletter. You deserve to live a good life so I encourage you to inquire within about these zones and slowly begin to work towards a more balanced way of living. I’m here for you always and I’m proud of you for trying

~

I’ll leave you with some affirmations I wrote for myself years ago that I recite often:

I am a source of light for I am lighthearted

I trust myself as much as I trust the Most High

I am soft, harmonious, beautiful, playful & thoughtful

I deserve the life of my daydreams

I accept all the blessings and challenges that come

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More on this topic in general in such an eloquent way, A Gentle Landing

If you want to work with me on harmonizing your life, I am open for wellness consultations, just email me and we can connect.

~

Hyphae

Here are some STELLAR Substacks that are nice hyphae (branching filaments from a mycelium) off this topic that came to mind:

Amani Hope - Girl on the Run

Girl on the Run

Katherine May - The Art of Hibernation

The Art of Hibernation

Anne Helen Petersen - Who Gets “Quality” Leisure

Who Gets "Quality" Leisure?

Lisa Olivera - The Doorway of Discomfort

The doorway of discomfort

Patrick Muidi - Against Lukewarm Experiences

Against Lukewarm Experiences