This was a good read. I could relate to a lot of it. I've lived in North Carolina my entire life. I've traveled and I really don't want to live anywhere else. No matter where I go I will always be black. As I've gotten older I realize more and more that my comfort zone is my own skin because it goes with me everywhere and stretches to accommodate my current state. It did take some work getting comfortable in it though. I finally stopped trying to be what I thought others expected me to be. Lots of times those expectations were self-imposed other times they were forced upon me. I said the heck with all of it. I only have to be what my maker made me. I remind myself of that daily because old habits creep in and I find myself feeling insecure or not feeling like enough. I pray for clarity and peace and I always find it. For that I am thankful. I like me. And I love me. And I extend the same to others. It feels good ❤️
YES there are some places in the world that MIGHT feel more comfortable as a Black person but not guaranteed. We have to learn how to be comfortable in our own bodies, how to feel at home in ourselves. I love all that you shared and you too!!
Thank you so much for writing so intentionally about comfort. This is such a beautiful piece, as usual it has stayed with me for a few days now. I have learnt so much about stress stored in the body in the last few years so this was a treat for me. Also the affirmations are powerful, I gladly add them to my list. Appreciate you pointing people in my direction too, big gratitude your way
I loveee a good set of affirmations. I was always raised to believe that I can “speak things into existence”. Thank you for taking the time to read my work always. It seems we’re kindred spirits💞
beautiful! I love that you were raised with that as a reminder. I remember that you also mentioned that you told your mum that your generational wealth is joy. I feel that the words of affirmation incorporated into upbringing is beautiful and something I'd be so down to reading if you ever explored that <3 Also, yes yess I feel that we're kindred spirits too. Take good care love
I shared this with my husband, who must venture far out of his comfort zone just to live his daily life. He is a Black man living in "America's whitest city" (Portland, OR), was raised Mormon in Salt Lake City, and has long worked in majority white workplaces. Even when he's lived or worked in majority Black environments, he has a hard time feeling comfortable, as he's frequently accused of acting, talking or dressing "too white." It's a hard space to exist in, and a space I fear also awaits our multiracial children.
In addition to all the emotional energy it takes to deal with overt and covert racism, my husband frequently remarks on all the energy he puts into helping white people maintain their comfort -- i.e. by not acting "too threatening" or getting "too angry," something most white folks are blissfully unaware of and definitely never grateful for!
I feel so deeply for your husband’s experiences. It’s important to have safe, supportive spouses like you and my own husband in our lives. I do wonder what will be the experience for our son. He’s to me, all Black and all White. We acknowledge both sides equally. But he does appear white passing or ethnically ambiguous, no denying that. I can only hope he will have it easier than me but never is ashamed of who he is. Thank you for reading and writing to me🫶🏾
Your essay lives rent free in my mind lol where you described shutting the car door and it was like cutting a cord has been the best descriptor of anything I’ve read in a while. I love those moments. Many have been had in my Honda accord. Thank YOU for being YOU 🫶🏾
Ahh thank you so much! I appreciate your kindness truly. But also your thoughtfulness always to postulate the good and the bad of all concepts. Great philosophers do that well. And you’re definitely one of them!
I’m so glad you wrote this piece. I’m someone who has left my “comfort zone” pretty aggressively this past year, and become a little dismayed when people applaud me for it because of a couple reasons — one of which being that I had the perfect set of conditions to allow me to take the leap. And of course, as a Black woman abroad, there’s certain risks people think I should take that are just not in the cards for me.
Something I’ve also learned this year is that leaving your comfort zone isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Comfort is necessary, like you said. You shouldn’t be jumping out of your comfort zone (or on the other side, running towards comfort) unless you know that you’re unbalanced.
Wishing you and yours all the comfort needed to even consider leaving the zone 💐
Yes yes yes this reminds me of how people have praised us for buying a house but it’s been deeply unearthing for me 🫠 or like when people compliment people’s weight loss without knowing the cause! Anyways I’m happy to hear you’re cultivating more comfort for yourself this year, proud of you
This was a good read. I could relate to a lot of it. I've lived in North Carolina my entire life. I've traveled and I really don't want to live anywhere else. No matter where I go I will always be black. As I've gotten older I realize more and more that my comfort zone is my own skin because it goes with me everywhere and stretches to accommodate my current state. It did take some work getting comfortable in it though. I finally stopped trying to be what I thought others expected me to be. Lots of times those expectations were self-imposed other times they were forced upon me. I said the heck with all of it. I only have to be what my maker made me. I remind myself of that daily because old habits creep in and I find myself feeling insecure or not feeling like enough. I pray for clarity and peace and I always find it. For that I am thankful. I like me. And I love me. And I extend the same to others. It feels good ❤️
YES there are some places in the world that MIGHT feel more comfortable as a Black person but not guaranteed. We have to learn how to be comfortable in our own bodies, how to feel at home in ourselves. I love all that you shared and you too!!
Thank you so much for writing so intentionally about comfort. This is such a beautiful piece, as usual it has stayed with me for a few days now. I have learnt so much about stress stored in the body in the last few years so this was a treat for me. Also the affirmations are powerful, I gladly add them to my list. Appreciate you pointing people in my direction too, big gratitude your way
I loveee a good set of affirmations. I was always raised to believe that I can “speak things into existence”. Thank you for taking the time to read my work always. It seems we’re kindred spirits💞
beautiful! I love that you were raised with that as a reminder. I remember that you also mentioned that you told your mum that your generational wealth is joy. I feel that the words of affirmation incorporated into upbringing is beautiful and something I'd be so down to reading if you ever explored that <3 Also, yes yess I feel that we're kindred spirits too. Take good care love
I shared this with my husband, who must venture far out of his comfort zone just to live his daily life. He is a Black man living in "America's whitest city" (Portland, OR), was raised Mormon in Salt Lake City, and has long worked in majority white workplaces. Even when he's lived or worked in majority Black environments, he has a hard time feeling comfortable, as he's frequently accused of acting, talking or dressing "too white." It's a hard space to exist in, and a space I fear also awaits our multiracial children.
In addition to all the emotional energy it takes to deal with overt and covert racism, my husband frequently remarks on all the energy he puts into helping white people maintain their comfort -- i.e. by not acting "too threatening" or getting "too angry," something most white folks are blissfully unaware of and definitely never grateful for!
Really appreciate your perspective!
I feel so deeply for your husband’s experiences. It’s important to have safe, supportive spouses like you and my own husband in our lives. I do wonder what will be the experience for our son. He’s to me, all Black and all White. We acknowledge both sides equally. But he does appear white passing or ethnically ambiguous, no denying that. I can only hope he will have it easier than me but never is ashamed of who he is. Thank you for reading and writing to me🫶🏾
So important to name this aloud. I appreciate your words and your vulnerability.
And I appreciate you being here, accepting me as I am!
Thank you kindly for sharing my essay 💕 look forward to reading your piece
Your essay lives rent free in my mind lol where you described shutting the car door and it was like cutting a cord has been the best descriptor of anything I’ve read in a while. I love those moments. Many have been had in my Honda accord. Thank YOU for being YOU 🫶🏾
Things people don’t talk about enough: sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous responses 💜
truly! If only we remembered that we’re a brain anddd body that is reacting maybe we’d be kinder
Ahhh. Will have to come back to this to check out all your newsletter recommendations. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Thank YOU for reading dear friend 💞
Very good thoughts in here, Carrington. I liked this exploration of comfort, challenge, and danger zones.
Comfort is not a bad word, it is the place of peace where we're stable enough to visualize, plan, and initiate growth.
Also, thanks for sharing my post.
Ahh thank you so much! I appreciate your kindness truly. But also your thoughtfulness always to postulate the good and the bad of all concepts. Great philosophers do that well. And you’re definitely one of them!
Welcome, and thank you too.
I’m so glad you wrote this piece. I’m someone who has left my “comfort zone” pretty aggressively this past year, and become a little dismayed when people applaud me for it because of a couple reasons — one of which being that I had the perfect set of conditions to allow me to take the leap. And of course, as a Black woman abroad, there’s certain risks people think I should take that are just not in the cards for me.
Something I’ve also learned this year is that leaving your comfort zone isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Comfort is necessary, like you said. You shouldn’t be jumping out of your comfort zone (or on the other side, running towards comfort) unless you know that you’re unbalanced.
Wishing you and yours all the comfort needed to even consider leaving the zone 💐
Yes yes yes this reminds me of how people have praised us for buying a house but it’s been deeply unearthing for me 🫠 or like when people compliment people’s weight loss without knowing the cause! Anyways I’m happy to hear you’re cultivating more comfort for yourself this year, proud of you