It has taken up until almost my 28th revolution around the sun to accept that I don’t know what’s the best timing for me. I’m not dismissing my own intellect or intuition. I’m just accepting that a lot of my life I spent either thrilled or deflated when certain events occurred were misplaced emotions. I’ve written a lot about being a dreamer here. Not all of my dreams have come true the way I originally envisioned. A lot have because I manifest well and am favored, yes, but some still haven’t. I would cry about my dreams being deferred yet again by something (college, pandemic, finances, etc). Now I know better. My dreams come true when they are best meant to, not when I want them to.
I’ve always disliked people who would do something reckless and say “you only live once” or “life is short”. What a pessimistic mindset to approach this complex life we have?
I believe we can live many lives during one lifetime. I once lived the college party girl life, the hustle to make ends meet life, the social media influencer life, currently in my homemaker/wife/mom life, and there’s still more I plan to explore.
I also believe that life is actually quite long. Time flies when you’re doing the same thing everyday. That monotony erodes the spirit. That’s why 2020 feels like it was just last year. We can have our routines but there needs to be space for newness to be welcomed in. When you’re in a phase of new things occurring daily, time feels extended. For example, the first year of college and motherhood for me felt 5 years long because I was immersed in something unknown and unpredictable every single day. It makes your brain take in so much more information every second. Plunging you into the present moment fully. And time just slows down so much.
So I think that’s the key. Remaining present so that I can live a longer life instead of wondering about the future and shortening it. At any given moment, I can simply choose a different path, skill or identity to focus on because I have free will. Nonetheless, I have zero understanding or insight of what the future will truly bloom into.
Accepting that I have control in some ways and none in others was hard to wrap my mind around at first. I can say that a lot of reflection while trying to hide from the summer heat has illuminated areas of forgiveness I needed to work on. I needed to forgive myself, and many others, for past actions that I felt derailed me. I needed to actually graciously extend gratitude for it all because things have turned out better than I dreamed. That’s what I’m trying to get at here. Our dreams do come true but they do when they are meant to in the way they are meant to. When they do, it’s better then than never.
I wanted to travel the world first then settle down to have a family in my mid 30s. Now, it’s happening in reverse. At first I was frustrated with myself for allowing it to but since I’ve realized it’s actually better that it’s happened this way. I apologized to my loved ones for all the resentment I had that they helped me cope with because had I been more accepting, understanding, and trusting of the process, I wouldn’t have been so sad and angry. With reviving my spiritual and self-care practices, I have a newfound confidence in the timing of all of our lives. It never makes sense when trying to use foresight. But it always makes sense in hindsight.
No dream is deferred, it just hasn’t occurred yet.
With love,
Carrington
_______
Let me know your thoughts on time in the comments!
Also please checkout my updated website for all my offerings, especially about Chanterelle Cafe! www.withcarrington.com
So grateful to receive this post, especially today. What a gracious reminder that our power does coincide with accepting our need to not be in control. To be truly open. You've written a beautiful necessary musing about waiting, which is often not a word we speak about when manifesting. I really will be bringing this into focus more as someone who holds space for affirmation and visions.
Also the last poem is so true. 'what if time /is holding us /inside its belly?'. I appreciate this and I am enjoying what 'Nurturing Wind' is developing into.
I feel so much of this. 💕